I enjoyed the ATL weekend with everyone so very much. It was refreshing, rejuvenating... just the thing. I miss it already, but I know that we all are in our separate places for good reasons. For me, I think it's mostly because God has things to teach me.
I've learned a lot this year about the darker places in myself that I have always swept into the corner. I'm not who I want to be, and I certainly can't handle things on my own. I desperately need Jesus. Always have, always will. I have always wanted to make myself into someone worthy of approval. While I may believe differently theologically, functionally I've been trying to accumulate my own righteousness for a long time. Essentially, I've been trying to convince everyone else (and myself) that I was good. God's tearing it all down, reminding me that a religion of self-improvement is oppositional to the message of the Gospel. The Gospel says, "You're a mess, but let ME fix YOU." It's not telling me, "You're a mess, let me get you started and then
you fix you." Though it may be a humbling experience--this 101 in realizing the depths of my sin--it certainly is one that leads to greater freedom and peace, because you realize He loved you first. And He still loves you, before you get any "better."
Today, we went floating down the river in pouring down rain. It's super high right now, and honestly it was a little dangerous. SO FUN. I love how nature makes you feel so small and yet so connected to God. I miss that about being at Covenant- the fact that you could go escape to a bluff all by yourself, or with a few friends, and be instantly speechless because of the incredible work of God. At the same time, it feels so right to be where we are. It's good to be out of school. (Well, okay... I teach... so I'm not really out of school :D ) It's good to feel inadequate and see the faithfulness of God in the midst of the mess that you are. Life's a beautiful mess. I cannot wait to see the masterpiece that God has been weaving.
Well. I love you all. God is good and He has intentionally planned where you are even now. He loves you personally- not just collectively with His people. (Galatians 2:20- personal pronouns!) Be encouraged by the One who loved us while we were yet enemies.
-April